Actually, I cheated. Check out this site, www.photofunia.com
It's really interesting!
Take Care
Tash
Monday, October 20, 2008
These pics are REALLY interesting!!!
Actually, I cheated. Check out this site, www.photofunia.com
It's really interesting!
Take Care
Tash
Thanking
I would like to thank some of my friends who have helped me in sme words of encouragment after my break up with Jesse. Here are the 4 friends who i would thanked first coz without them, i wouldnt know what to do. They are Mabel (my BFF and also my collegue), Yiling (my cell group friend and also a close friend), Rose (one cashier whom i am close with and also working in Perfume & Cosmetic) and Kailin ( my cell group friend and also a close friend).
Other friends who also has helped are, Andrew (my night class friend), Visa ( a friend whom i met coz i love his bands songs and also from a band called Armchair Critic), Mazlinah (my good friend and my collegue) and Mazanah (my good friend and my collegue).
I didn't really tell alot of people about it coz some of them didnt know that i was in a relationship and some of them didn't know much about him.
Thank you all sooooooooo much and i really appreaciate it ALOT!!!
Take Care
Tash
Other friends who also has helped are, Andrew (my night class friend), Visa ( a friend whom i met coz i love his bands songs and also from a band called Armchair Critic), Mazlinah (my good friend and my collegue) and Mazanah (my good friend and my collegue).
I didn't really tell alot of people about it coz some of them didnt know that i was in a relationship and some of them didn't know much about him.
Thank you all sooooooooo much and i really appreaciate it ALOT!!!
Take Care
Tash
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Is it wrong to love someone?
Guess what? Jesse and I broke up and i know it's pretty shocking coz it's still is a shock to me.
He messaged me at around 6:20pm, yesterday 14/10/2008 saying:
Hey tash. Its so so so hard for me ask you to do this. i know you will be upset. And that makes me feel very upset. I want to ask if we can be friends? A relatioship is just too hard to maintain at the moment. Dont be upset becasue im still here for you and im not going anywhere. You have done nothing wrong at all. I promise. And i still love you. But lets just calm it down a bit so its not so hard being away from each other? Please understand. I know you do. Xxx
When i read the message, i had this feeling that something was wrong and i have no idea what was it and my heart sank. My mind was full of questions and it's like i dont know whether i want to know the answers or not. I just dare not ask.
Then he messaged me again saying:
I feel sick because i know youre upset. Please dont be. Im still here. Not going anywhere.
I didnt reply coz i didnt know what to say. I was lost of words. I was like thinking that maybe it's God that is punishing me coz i did something wrong on Monday. I stole a necklace from a shop even though i knew i had money but it was like after soooooooooo loooooooooong then i did something like that.
I went to facebook to message him:
Are you going to change your relationship status?
He replied back saying:
are you upset tash? please tell me how you feel.
Then I said:
I am upset. When i read the message, my heart sank.. I really felt pain, like strong pain but i understand if you wanted to remain as friends. i respect your decision.
I dont blame you or angry with you. I will still want to talk to you even though we are friends but my mind is still in whirl, thinking why the sudden change. Lost of question going through my mind right now. I may not look sad on the outside but inside, my heart is crying.
Then he said:
tash im sorry. i just cannot keep going on knowing that every time i say im coming i dont and im constantly going out to mines and cant contact you. i just know one day you will realise that a relationship has to have what we have but it has to be more. you need someone who can be there always. i cant. im doing this because i dont want to hurt you in the long run, i want to do it because i want you to be happy. that one day you will know this is for the better. i know how you feel. trust me. please trust me when i say i know. because ive had this 4 times before. im so sorry to make you sad. but im here for you whenever you need to talk or ask me anything. i promise that. you are still very special to me and i have been very upset as well. im not good at this....i am sorry.
Then i said:
So this is really a break up?
Then he said:
yes. im sorry tash. you will be ok, i promise you will stop being sad very soon, just be you. you are very special and you need to make a few decisions for youself because you can do anything you want to do in your life. im still around. i promise.
Then i said:
Jesse, i am really sorry that you have to get to know me but i was happy that i knew you and even love you..
I really wish that this was all a dream but i know that i am living in reality and not in dreams. I will still want you as a friend just to let you know that tomorrow is our 7 months of knowing each other..
Our 7 months friendship, not anniversary. So if you are going to change your relatioship status, i wont mind and i really hope that our friendship will not end here but carry on..
Then he said:
we will be friends! we will be very good friends! im not going to stop being your friend i promise. i have to sleep i have training in the morning. have a great night tash, and happy 7 months tash. have a lovely day. please dont be sad. im always here. youve still got my phone number. i still exist and i will for a long long time.
After all this, my mind is still in whirl mood and i am still upset.. I talked to Yiling, my cell group friend coz she saw my msn message, 'Is it wrong to love someone?' She did made me feel better a little and made me laugh which i didnt think i would do after a break up.
She told me alot of stuff which made me understand and the word LOVE is pretty complicated but nice feeling. She also said that i shouldnt blame God coz he were to punish you, you wouldnt be here right now. God loves you and He wouldnt punish you but will forgive you and pray that you wont do it again PLUS you knew that it was wrong so he will forgive you.
I know that a long distance relationship is VERY hard especially when you are in love with this person and you dont to see this person so often like normal couples do. I have heard of alot of long distance relationships and most of them broke up and i didnt expect that it would happen to me.
---------------------------------------------pause----------------------------------------------
It's 2:36am in the early wee hours and i still haven sleep coz i cant sleep. I am still thinking, crying, listening to music. There's still pain in my heart but i hope that i will get better. I still love him and it remains in a VERY special place in me. There's one thing that im glad is that, we remain as friends and i hope that my friendship with him will last forever.
If you have any comment or has something to say, do leave on my tag board. I would like to see what you have to say.
Take Care
Tash
He messaged me at around 6:20pm, yesterday 14/10/2008 saying:
Hey tash. Its so so so hard for me ask you to do this. i know you will be upset. And that makes me feel very upset. I want to ask if we can be friends? A relatioship is just too hard to maintain at the moment. Dont be upset becasue im still here for you and im not going anywhere. You have done nothing wrong at all. I promise. And i still love you. But lets just calm it down a bit so its not so hard being away from each other? Please understand. I know you do. Xxx
When i read the message, i had this feeling that something was wrong and i have no idea what was it and my heart sank. My mind was full of questions and it's like i dont know whether i want to know the answers or not. I just dare not ask.
Then he messaged me again saying:
I feel sick because i know youre upset. Please dont be. Im still here. Not going anywhere.
I didnt reply coz i didnt know what to say. I was lost of words. I was like thinking that maybe it's God that is punishing me coz i did something wrong on Monday. I stole a necklace from a shop even though i knew i had money but it was like after soooooooooo loooooooooong then i did something like that.
I went to facebook to message him:
Are you going to change your relationship status?
He replied back saying:
are you upset tash? please tell me how you feel.
Then I said:
I am upset. When i read the message, my heart sank.. I really felt pain, like strong pain but i understand if you wanted to remain as friends. i respect your decision.
I dont blame you or angry with you. I will still want to talk to you even though we are friends but my mind is still in whirl, thinking why the sudden change. Lost of question going through my mind right now. I may not look sad on the outside but inside, my heart is crying.
Then he said:
tash im sorry. i just cannot keep going on knowing that every time i say im coming i dont and im constantly going out to mines and cant contact you. i just know one day you will realise that a relationship has to have what we have but it has to be more. you need someone who can be there always. i cant. im doing this because i dont want to hurt you in the long run, i want to do it because i want you to be happy. that one day you will know this is for the better. i know how you feel. trust me. please trust me when i say i know. because ive had this 4 times before. im so sorry to make you sad. but im here for you whenever you need to talk or ask me anything. i promise that. you are still very special to me and i have been very upset as well. im not good at this....i am sorry.
Then i said:
So this is really a break up?
Then he said:
yes. im sorry tash. you will be ok, i promise you will stop being sad very soon, just be you. you are very special and you need to make a few decisions for youself because you can do anything you want to do in your life. im still around. i promise.
Then i said:
Jesse, i am really sorry that you have to get to know me but i was happy that i knew you and even love you..
I really wish that this was all a dream but i know that i am living in reality and not in dreams. I will still want you as a friend just to let you know that tomorrow is our 7 months of knowing each other..
Our 7 months friendship, not anniversary. So if you are going to change your relatioship status, i wont mind and i really hope that our friendship will not end here but carry on..
Then he said:
we will be friends! we will be very good friends! im not going to stop being your friend i promise. i have to sleep i have training in the morning. have a great night tash, and happy 7 months tash. have a lovely day. please dont be sad. im always here. youve still got my phone number. i still exist and i will for a long long time.
After all this, my mind is still in whirl mood and i am still upset.. I talked to Yiling, my cell group friend coz she saw my msn message, 'Is it wrong to love someone?' She did made me feel better a little and made me laugh which i didnt think i would do after a break up.
She told me alot of stuff which made me understand and the word LOVE is pretty complicated but nice feeling. She also said that i shouldnt blame God coz he were to punish you, you wouldnt be here right now. God loves you and He wouldnt punish you but will forgive you and pray that you wont do it again PLUS you knew that it was wrong so he will forgive you.
I know that a long distance relationship is VERY hard especially when you are in love with this person and you dont to see this person so often like normal couples do. I have heard of alot of long distance relationships and most of them broke up and i didnt expect that it would happen to me.
---------------------------------------------pause----------------------------------------------
It's 2:36am in the early wee hours and i still haven sleep coz i cant sleep. I am still thinking, crying, listening to music. There's still pain in my heart but i hope that i will get better. I still love him and it remains in a VERY special place in me. There's one thing that im glad is that, we remain as friends and i hope that my friendship with him will last forever.
If you have any comment or has something to say, do leave on my tag board. I would like to see what you have to say.
Take Care
Tash
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
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