Maybe if my heart stops beating, it wont hurt this much... and never will I have to answer again to anyone...

I feel so useless.. I feel like I not only threw my life away but also let my parents down.. I know how much they want me to do well.. but I simply can't coz I'm stupid! Yea, I finally said it.. I'm stupid! Maybe or should I say that I was born stupid, I was born to be unlucky.. Whoever try or want to be my friend, I will kind of like lose you one day.. I keep telling myself that I could overcome every obstacles that is ahead of me with some confidence but seems like I don't have much confidence to carry on with life.. I'm like so doomed if I don't get a job by March due to my results.. Everything seems to be like going down the drain for me and I don't see why the need to carry on with life..
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Everyone has something to chase or go after for whereas me is like a useless person living each day at at time hoping that a miracle will happen to her.. I don't know what has happen to me but ever since I got my results, I felt shutting myself down.. I felt like leaving forever.. I don't blame anyone, I only blame myself.. You may think that I'm crazy,thinking of ending my life at such a young age, then maybe you should send me to the mental hospital..
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I can't seem to find the real me.. It seems like it has vanish forever.. The real me was having so much confidence and was making people going crazy after her.. She was like so crazy with her friends and always talking about GUYS! Seems like that me is gone and the now me is always feeling so blue and always regreting and couldn't get a job.. I keep on trying to get a job but my answer were always the same, REJECTIONS! I have to get a job, I really have to get a job! I have to get a job, I really have to get a job!
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Is there really such thing as a miracle? I don't want to ask GOD for help coz I thought that I could solve it myself.. Ever since, I became a christian, I should start reading the bible but I have stopped reading it.. I don't know why.. Yes, I do believe in Jesus and I know that he can help BUT he only help those who are really in need of help and those who are true to HIM right?
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Whoever reading this, maybe you could give some advise on my tagboard or you just leave a comment or if you don't want to, it's ok!

May God Bless all
Tash